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From Reddit:

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

We salute you Mr. Glover.  Everyone here at the offices of Various Cool idolizes you.  We honor you today, good sir.  Thanks for the memories and keep on rockin’ on.

So pretty soon I won’t be able to watch tv right?  It’s going all digital but I dont own one of those fancy shmancy flatscreens.  Some people tell me not to worry though.  I’m so confused.

Monkey detective, can you help me????!!!

Magic shiny oreos, “You’re gonna love my nuts.” Gahhhlic. I found out my life is boring because my tuna is. America is gonna be skinny again. “Tacos, fetticini, linguini, martini, bikini”

Vince is obviously addicted to Meth. And why is he wearing that headset? Is he working the drive-thru at Burger King later on? Also, since when does Radish+Carrot+Celery=Salad?
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Nothing like being a kid and decorating the tree.  The wonderful smell as you hang ornaments.  The warm glow of lights as you walk into the kitchen in the middle of the night.  The shiny presents just sitting there, saying “Soon…soon.”  Ahh, to be young.

Damn.  They’re getting better with these.  Welcome to the future, grandpa!  It’s called technology.

Remember your first time getting drunk? Also, if McLovin ever needs a stunt double…

His Andre Agassi is spot on!